Flourishing Communities: A Restorative Approach to Challenging Behavior in Schools

I knew something was wrong the moment my students entered the hallway on their way in from recess. Their voices were loud and tense. Everyone was talking at once. They poured into the classroom, overflowing with emotion, each attempting to tell their side of the story.

“There goes the social studies lesson I had planned,” I thought.

This situation took precedence, as no meaningful learning would occur while students were upset. I gathered the class in a circle and established a few ground rules: I would guide the discussion. Only the person holding the talking piece—in this case, a yellow pillow with a smiling emoji—could speak. Everyone would have an opportunity to share their perspective, and together we would work toward a resolution that all could accept.

Over the next half hour, students described the conflict that had unfolded during their soccer game at recess. As they listened to one another, empathy began to emerge. They generated ideas for resolving the issue and agreed on a plan for the next game. We ended with students calm, settled, and ready to move forward.

This moment illustrates the heart of restorative practice: addressing harm in a way that restores relationships and strengthens community.

What Are Restorative Practices?

Restorative practices provide a framework for addressing both individual behavioral challenges and interpersonal conflict, but it is even more than that. “The restorative approach is a way of being with others, a relational approach to prevention and intervention” (Brummer & Thorsborne, 2024, p. 165). At their core, restorative practices prioritize connection, accountability, and repair.

The following descriptors highlight key outcomes of this approach:

• Build healthy relationships between educators and students
• Reduce, prevent, and improve harmful behavior
• Repair harm and restore positive relationships
• Resolve conflicts, hold individuals and groups accountable
• Address and discuss the needs of the school community 

(Restorative Practices: A Guide for Educators, 2014) 

A growing body of research indicates that restorative practices improve school culture and climate, increase academic achievement, reduce disciplinary referrals and exclusions, and support student mental health outcomes (Darling-Hammond, 2023).

The Importance of Connection

Connection is the driving force behind restorative practices. Every component depends on intentional relationship-building across the school community—teacher to teacher, teacher to student, and student to student.

It should come as no surprise to Christians that connection is foundational to healthy relationships. Principles of community, mutual encouragement, and grace are woven throughout Scripture, with the ultimate example found in Jesus himself. His work of restoring humankind’s broken relationship with God provides a model of reconciliation that extends into how we engage with others. The Apostle Paul challenges believers to follow this example as agents of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18).

Using Circles to Build Community

Because connection is central to this approach, restorative practices emphasize the use of “circles” to build community. A circle is a structured activity in which participants sit together and respond to a shared prompt. It creates space for every individual to be seen and heard—something that, for some students, may be rare during the school day.

Circles operate with clear norms. Only the person holding the “talking piece” speaks, ensuring that each voice is heard without interruption. Participants are invited—but never forced—to contribute, preserving both safety and voice.

There is flexibility in how circles are structured. Responses do not always need to proceed in strict order; formats can include sequential sharing, popcorn-style participation, or small-group variations such as fishbowl discussions.

Circles can be used across a range of purposes and levels of depth. At the beginning of the year, they are particularly effective for building relationships—learning about each other’s interests, experiences, and preferences. One effective strategy is to have students share two facts about themselves with a partner, who then introduces them to the group. Repetition of these introductions can help students quickly learn about one another, creating a strong sense of belonging from the outset.

Beyond community-building, circles can be used to gather feedback, establish classroom norms, reflect on shared experiences, and better understand how students learn. A simple web search can provide a wide range of ideas for circle questions.

Importantly, circles are not just for students. When implemented school-wide, they can strengthen relationships among staff and contribute to a more cohesive and supportive school culture. Including teachers and parents in restorative approaches helps ensure consistency and shared understanding across the community.

Proactive use of circles lays the foundation for their responsive use. When conflict arises or when the community experiences a significant event—such as a natural disaster, death, or incident of violence—circles provide a structured and supportive way to process, repair, and move forward.

A Shift in Mindset

Consider a recent behavioral challenge. Perhaps two students were verbally attacking one another. A student may have responded defiantly to a teacher, or someone may have caused harm to a peer. In many schools, certain students seem caught in repeated patterns of behavior, unaffected by repeated reprimands or consequences.

Conventional punitive approaches to behavior change often have limited effectiveness. While they may achieve compliance, they do little to address the underlying causes or to repair the harm done. Punishments do not provide an opportunity to solve the problem that led to the behavior, nor do they have the capacity to heal (Brummer & Thorsborne, 2024, p. 140).

Restorative practices invite a fundamental shift in how we interpret behavior. Rather than viewing challenging behavior as willful defiance or something children could control if they simply chose to, this approach recognizes that behavior often reflects unmet needs, lagging skills, or stress responses shaped by the brain’s drive for survival.

This shift allows educators to slow down, ask better questions, and uncover what students need in order to change. It moves the focus from control to understanding, and from punishment to growth and restoration.

Restorative Conversations

Returning to that challenging situation, restorative conversations provide a structured way to move toward both changed behavior and restored relationships.

A critical first step is ensuring that all participants are calm and regulated. Conversations should not occur when individuals are overwhelmed or dysregulated, as the prefrontal cortex part of the brain—responsible for thinking, language processing, and empathy—is not fully engaged in those moments. Time, connection, and a sense of safety are essential prerequisites.

Restorative practices provide two sets of questions to guide the conversation: one for the individual who caused harm, and one for the individual who was harmed.

Restorative Questions I: To respond to challenging behavior

• What happened?
• What were you thinking at the time?
• What have you thought about since?
• Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
• What do you think you need to do to make things right?

Restorative Questions II: To help those harmed by others’ actions

• What did you think when you realized what had happened?
• What impact has this had on you and others?
• What has been the hardest thing for you?
• What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

The exact wording of these questions is less important than the process itself. The goal is to create space for honest reflection, shared understanding, and collaborative problem-solving. Conversations may move back and forth between participants, allowing each perspective to be heard and acknowledged.

Repairing Harm

A defining feature of restorative practices is the emphasis on giving the harmed individual a voice in the process. Rather than being sidelined, they are actively involved in identifying what is needed to repair the harm. This inclusion fosters empathy, accountability, and the possibility of genuine reconciliation. It shifts the focus from simply enforcing consequences to restoring relationships. 

As Brummer and Thorsborne emphasize, repairing harm must be “voluntary rather than imposed—an agreement reached to make amends with willingness rather than coercion” (Brummer & Thorsborne, 2024, p. 42). Without this, the process risks becoming another form of punishment rather than a pathway to restoration.

The restorative model does not ignore consequences; in fact, it “takes student accountability to a higher level because students and teachers are engaged in collaborative conversations around choices, actions, and behaviors that can foster true personal growth and change” (Smith et al., 2022). The process of repairing harm addresses the underlying motivations, needs, and skills necessary for lasting behavioral change. It also creates opportunities to explicitly teach and practice essential social-emotional skills. By prioritizing relationships, restorative practices attend to the needs of both the person who was harmed and the one who caused the harm.

Pulling It All Together

When I first encountered restorative practices, I was intrigued but uncertain of their effectiveness. I began with small steps—being more intentional about building community and taking time to listen. I chose curiosity over judgment and sought to better understand the impact of trauma on behavior.

Over time, my responses became more restorative, and I began to see the impact. Students recognized that their perspectives mattered. They understood that their actions affected others. They learned that living in community requires both responsibility and repair.

Restorative practices do more than address behavior; they cultivate a way of being together. They create space for accountability, empathy, and growth. In doing so, they reflect the kind of community God has called us to build—one in which relationships are restored and individuals are able to flourish.

 References & Suggested Reading

• Brummer, J., & Thorsborne, M. (2024). Becoming a Trauma-informed Restorative Educator. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
• Darling-Hammond, S. (2023). Fostering belonging, transforming schools: The impact of restorative practices. https://learningpolicyinstitute.org/product/impact-restorative-practices-brief
• Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond behaviors : using brain science and compassion to understand and solve children’s behavioral challenges. Pesi Publishers.
• Restorative Practices: A Guide for Educators. (2014). Schott Foundation. https://schottfoundation.org/restorative-practices/
• Smith, D., Fisher, D., & Frey, N. (2022). The Restorative Practices Playbook. Corwin Press.

Sarah de Vuyst, M.Ed., serves ACSI-Europe as an Education Consultant. Having taught in Hungary, the United States, and Ukraine, she has over 30 years’ experience teaching and supporting students with special needs and trauma. Sarah is passionate about fostering learning environments where students of all abilities can flourish.

She can be reached at sarah_devuyst@acsi.org